nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
