I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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