this just has baby written all over it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
