Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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