My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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