We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
