I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
