i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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