Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
