College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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