I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
