I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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