I'm eating all of the evidence.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
