i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
