I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
