can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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