the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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