it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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