Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
