plz talk dirty to me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
