thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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