Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
