OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
