New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
