If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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