the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
