i will never coherently bang her
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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