We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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