I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
