I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
