He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have aggressive nipples.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
