Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
