My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
