if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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