IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
