You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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