this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
