thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
