He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
