he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
