Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
