I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
