Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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