I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
