I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
