I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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