If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
