Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
