So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
