If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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