i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
