Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
