I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
