so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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