she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
