I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
