my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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