Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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