It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
