I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
