There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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