She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
