Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
