would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need a beard to bite.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
