Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
how does that bad decision feel?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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