As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
