if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
