You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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